- Running in place results in a much faster take-off when trying to run away. (Submitted by Jeanne-Marie Lyga)
- A tree grows in Brooklyn.
New as of July 9, 2001:
- Worms live in apples.
- Boy scouts help little old ladies acrosss the street.
New as of December 5, 2000:
- If you are so sure that something is true that you hope lightning strikes you if it isn't, you will be (and if that isn't true, I hope I'm run over by a streetcar)
- Don't ever forget the gravy.
- If you point a gun through a hole and annother gun appears out of a hole behind you, do not pull the trigger.
- Bowling is very similar to ballet dancinng.
New as of August 5, 2000:
- When clothes get wet, they shrink very quickly.
New as of August 18, 1999:
- St Bernard dogs rescue people in the mountains and carry barrels of liquor.
New as of July 15, 1999:
- If something is sitting on top of your head, do not use something heavy (like a club) to try to knock it off.
New as of July 18, 1998:
- No harm is done to you if you are sawed in half, except that your bottom half may walk away from your top half
- Elephants are scared of mice.
- Building a bridge by nailing boards togeether out from a ledge never works.
- Termites can eat wood extremely quick.
- When ostriches are scared they stick theeir heads in the ground.
- That symphony with the impossible to plaay ending is Hungarian Rhapsody #2.
- Rabbits multiply.
- A rabbit can stop himself from falling bby drinking hair tonic.
- Ants can carry objects many times their own size.
New as of April 6, 1998:
- Dogs chase cats.
- Cats chase mice.
- Cats chase birds.
- Birds chase worms.
- Eat At Joe's.
- Kilroy wwas here.
- When someone gets seasick, their face turns green.
- You can't sing without a string!
- Big dumb guys call all little guys Georgge.
- Little firecrackers make a BIG bang.
- Pianos act like typewriters (you have too reset the keys after playing a few notes.)
New as of February 14, 1998:
- Always read the fine print.
- No deficit is too large in sports.
- Methuzalah is a very old guy.
- You never fall until you look down.
- Alum makes your mouth shrink.
- Nitro-glycirene is a powerful explosive..
- Nitro-glycirene can easily be found arouund the house.
- All animals can talk.
- Size does not always correspond to strenngth.
- Coyotes have a very high constitution.
- The huntee is always smarter than the huunter.
- The barrels of guns are made of metal thhat can easily be bent to point in another direction.
- If you wear the right clothes, you will get all of the chicks.
- Mice eat almost nothing but cheese.
- Limburger is a horrible smelling cheese (worse than tear gas).
- Many animals have speech impediments. >
- There is a lot of smog in L.A.
- There are big trees in California.
- If someone makes a witty remark after a problem is resolved, everyone in the room must laugh.
- The secret identity of a superhero is allways the most unlikely person.
- A sidekick who always does most of the wwork never gets any of the credit.
- Spinach makes you incredibly strong.
- The tops of spinach cans can be easily rripped off.
- Vision problems do not disqualify you frrom being in the navy.
- If you wear glasses, it means that you aare smart.
- Road runners sound just like car horns.<
- George Washington is buried in Grant's TTomb.
- Kids are smarter than adults.
- Receiving a pinkslip means that You Will Be Fired!
- You can be dealt a 21 card in blackjack.
- All southern people have accents.
- You can go down the corporate ladder jusst as quickly as you can go up.
- All bosses are mean and yell often.
- The most hated relative is the mother-inn-law.
- The best quarterback in the world is a mmoose.
- No matter how narrow they are, you can ssuck anything through a straw.
- A poo-bah (or pooh-bah) is a head of meaaningless things.
- People in the Foreign Legion are always stationed in the desert.
- Anvils are large metal objects whose solle purpose are to be dropped on someone's head.
- An identical twin causes nothing but troouble.
- Express mail is delivered in a matter off seconds.
- 19th century horse-drawn carriages are iinflatable.
- Gold was discovered in California.
- If you expect it to be sunny in Californnia, it always rains.
- Roosters crow at dawn.
- Air brakes can stop a falling object. >
- Different objects falling at the same tiime can fall at different speeds.
- 4F rating means that you fail physicallyy.
- Chickens can lay many eggs at a time. >
- Looking both ways before you cross the sstreet only guarantees that you will be run over.
- Dog whistles are silent.
- Cat's claws can stick a cat to the ceiliing.
- Cats cannot tell the difference between mice and kangaroos.
- Tazmanian devils will eat anything.
- Music soothes the savage beast.
- On any long trip, you will always pass tthrough Albuquerque.
- There is a lot of oil in Texas.
- The dodo bird is not extinct.
- The gooney bird flies gracefully but alwways crash lands.
- Yankees are people from the north.
- We are not alone in the universe.
- Aliens are never friendly.
- The bill of a duck can easily be re-arraanged on its head.
- Frank Sinatra was extremely thin.
- All women adored Frank Sinatra.
- Jimmy Durante had a big nose.
- Bing Crosby's horses always finished lasst.
- Any animal that is eaten is swallowed whhole.
- Most people's first and last names beginn with the same letter.
- If you dig deep enough, you'll eventuallly end up in China.
- Cats have nine lives.
- The bigger they are, the dumber they aree.
- All locomotives have one big headlight.<
- ACME products are extremely cheap comparred to the price of food.
- Anyone can fly, as long as they don't knnow that they can't.
- Gravity only affects those who know the law of gravity.
- Skunks smell.
- Bears hibernate in the winter.
- A high diver can dive into anything safeely.
- Something fired at a target will always hit that target even it the target is moved.
- Bullets have a mind of their own.
- Holes can be picked up off the ground.
- Water will rust metal.
- Water will shrink clothes.
- Storks deliver babies.
- Bulls charge at anything red.
- There is a pot of gold at the end of thee rainbow.
- The same woman is the telephone operatorr everywhere.
- If you hold your breath long enough, youu will turn blue and then many other colors (including plaid).
- Two vertical lines crossing over two horrizontal lines always results in a tic-tac-toe game.
- Characters in TVs can see you.
- Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah means I love you.
- Sneaking behind your wife's back just reesults in you being caught.
- Pipes can be used as blowtorches.
- The swallows come back to Capistrano. >
- Doors can be taken off the wall and clossed up into a tiny box.
- Magicians pull rabbits out of hats.
- All conductors have white hair.
- All crazy people think that they are Nappoleon.
- Hypnotism can make you do things that yoou are normally unable to do.
- Little elves make shoes.
- Mexicans wear sombreros.
- Eating hot food burns holes in you and mmakes your face turn red.
- If your body is punctured and then you ddrink water, it will spray out of your body.
- The white mouse WILL explode.
And Finally ...
- If Woody had gone right to the police, tthis would never have happened.
Also feel free to visit my other pages:
About Me
Irrelevant World - A Comic By Me
YouTube Video - Pope Kisses My Daughter
YouTube Video - Mets Wedding
If you have any suggestions, or if cartoons have taught you something that I have not mentioned, E-mail me. If I deem it worthy enough, I will include it in a special readers section to be added later. Let me know if you want your name included or if you wish to remain anonymous. E-mail me at NYCPoobah@aol.com. Let me know what you think about my page. Send mail by clicking here.